After depression

Time heals everything. That’s bullshit. Time doesn’t heal depression or help recover from it. When you get back to your feet after depression starts the hard work. Recovery isn’t easy. You will fall, you will struggle, you will start all over. You may even want to give up.

Recovery is hard especially if you suffer from bipolar disorder. There is no cure for manic-depression. It may take long until you find balance and way of living with the illness. Before that you have to find strenght and motivation to heal again and again. Recovery is an ongoing journey. It’s also a learning process. You try and learn what’s best for you.

It’s about little over three months since I got back on my feet. I am still in an early stage of my recovery process. This far I have learned that some days are harder than others. But hard days shall pass. One bad day doesn’t mean depression is back. Tomorrow’s a new try. New opportunity.

Recovery is not a nine to five job or a 30 day rehab. It takes time. Months. It’s every choise you make. It’s challenging your way of thinking. Every day. Every hour. Every moment. Hardest part about recovery is when you’re not sure you want to recover. But you have to get over it rather than give up. Giving up is not a choice but there is no progress without struggle.

I’ve been given some tools to help me get better. Sleeping, eating, exercising and daily routine. I still need 10-12 hours sleep but I have improved in my eating habits. My goal is to exercise more. I take a long walk once a week but that’s not enough. I’ve learned that it’s OK if I don’t have strenght to follow my daily plan. It’s a new day tomorrow.

The hardest part is to find meaning and purpose. Days are long when you are not working. Guilt is an everyday feeling. But your meaning and purpose is to heal yourself. Work comes later. This is more important. Every day is a battle to win. But you can do it. You have to do it.

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